Since we moved from Austin, Texas to Kansas City, Missouri last year, it has felt a bit like roaming aimlessly and severely dehydrated in a vast desert. Not that I’ve ever physically experienced that firsthand, but this is what I would imagine it to be. Having moved around quite a bit since I graduated from college many moons ago, I can’t say I’m new to all the experiences of leaving behind community, a church we called home and friends we loved like family and finding ourselves being the new kid in town, but I don’t believe you’re ever fully immune to the crazy, underestimated, lasting side effects of uprooting and completely starting over from scratch.
Part of me was naive I guess. I thought that because I was from Kansas City originally, the transition would be seamless and smooth without any of us missing a beat. I was grossly incorrect. The initial challenges we faced with schools here, the fatigue of making a million little decisions about a million little things and the dynamics of being closer to family and old friends for the first time in 20 years coupled with the long, cold winter (compared to where we were) left me feeling hollowed out, isolated and emotionally raw inside…not to mention a few pounds heavier outside due to emotional eating and bad habits I fell into as a result of all the stress.
Perhaps the biggest factor in all of this was the fact that Thomas and I were both working from home all last year — him working remotely for Dell while I was going through a major shift and trying to figure out what I wanted or needed to do career-wise — all away from the familiarity of the community and external environment we both had before. I guess that was all good in a way or just the pace we needed at the time. Initially, it just felt like an extended vacation somewhere foreign. I enjoyed our time of getting the kids ready for school, driving them to school together, going for coffee at a local coffee shop, our walks with the dog around the neighborhood contemplating all the things going on in our lives and spending time with the Lord in prayer out on my deck. But as the year went by, I started to feel extremely restless — like I wanted more purpose for my life, and I definitely needed meaningful friendship and community more than ever!
This past year has involved a lot of prayer, a lot of tears and a great deal of reflection and contemplation. I’ve wondered many times if we made the right decision selling our amazing home in an amazing cul-de-sac of over 18 years in Austin, uprooting our kids and all they knew and loved and attempting to make Kansas City our new home. In many ways and for many long months, the reward did not seem to outweigh the great sacrifice we all had made to come here. Even though things may have seemed like they were going ok on the surface, Thomas and I both found ourselves perusing houses back in Texas and wondering if this was all just a huge mistake.
But I can now look back over the past 16 months and say, God is good…all the time. And he doesn’t make mistakes. He knew and He knows just what we need. I can now say that even though I may make mistakes and take a few wrong turns, He is so faithful to me and never leaves me nor forsakes me. He is our Provider. He is our hope in times of desperation and fear. He is our help in times of trouble. He knows our needs more than we know our own. He is faithful and guides us so clearly that if we are trusting Him and asking for His direction, we cannot be steered out of His will. And this is what I needed to know. I theoretically knew I could trust Him, but could I really trust that He wouldn’t let us single-handedly mess our entire lives and the lives of our kids up!? The answer, I’ve discovered, is YES! He’s that good!
This past week, I’ve had the incredible privilege of communing with new colleagues at a 3-day inservice at my new place of employment our kids’ new school and, and all I can say is, Wow. The thirst I felt in this dry, relentless desert has finally been quenched. I have found my people, and I pray to God, once this school year begins, the kids as well as Thomas have found theirs too. We are, once again, attempting to transition to our third new school in a year and a half and for my oldest son, this is his fourth new school in 2 years! That’s a lot of transitioning. And my hope is that the search is over and that we’ve finally found our place. Oh, how amazing that would be!
All that to say, I have had many false starts when it comes to my blogging journey, but I do hope I can truly start back up and begin to document my journey from here on out — even if it’s just for me to go back and see what God has done. This past year, I’ve honestly felt too down to blog or create. I’ve just had a rather serious case of the blahs. But today I come to the table with a whole new perspective shift, and I love it!